Birmingham tornado disaster appeal

john tanner · #1 04-08-05

Birmingham Tornado Appeal

News of the disaster was swiftly carried to the civilised world by
pay-as-you go SMS messages.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering 'blooooodyell' and
'yourite?'.

The tornado decimated the area causing several pounds worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish
Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Several historic Ford Sierras and
Nissan Bluebirds were blown of there brick plinths. A large number of 3
series BMW's had thie alloy wheels damaged and a quantity of Renault Clio's
had their tinted windows blown out.

Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived. One resident, Sharon
Knowles, a 15yr old single mother of seven said: "It was such a shock, my
little Beyonce came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Azif
and Delbert slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching
Trisha the next morning".

Another resident, Community worker Royston Akimose, 38, said: "I was 'avin'
a meetin' wiv a business associate, the sky went dark, an, de next fing I
know, me ganj is blown all over 'is Impreza!"

Apparently though, looting and car crime did carry on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of sunny
delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still
searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal
belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at
Argos and bone china from Pound Stretcher.

How Can You Help?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought
after, items needed include:
Fila or Burberry baseball caps,

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Von Dutch t-Shirts

White sports socks

Rockport boots

Any large gold plated accessories

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs include microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice
cream, and bottles of Smirnoff Ice.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £2.00 buys fish,
chips and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9, and £5.00 will pay for a
packet of B and H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is
unfair on the population in neighbouring areas.