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  #1  
Old 21st June 2005
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Default Dispare - modern preteens/teens

I can't say I was exactly the perfect child but does everyone else wonder WTF is going on with Kids these days, i'm prob wrong not being a parent but it seems to me that alot of parents these days don't give there children any kind of consistency and are constantly pandering to their needs, there does'nt seem to be any boundaries these days.

I'm only 30 so it was'nt that long ago that i was a teenager, even then we were S**t scared of our parents, (some) teachers and definitely the police.

It just seems that Parents spend so long pandering to their kids needs, wanting to give then what they did'nt have that they don't actually put any boundaries on them, most rescently over hear we had a group of pre teens lead a toddler off into some woods where they then proceeded to try and hang the poor little lad, what's going on in these kids minds, i can't understand how you could be that neglectfull to bring up a child thinking it's reasonable to hang a 4 year old.

I know that there are alot of external factors in child developement away from the parents but i really cannot get my head round how ignorant these parents must be, i do feel sometimes that if parents have to take legal responsibility for their children upto 16 you may start to see a change, if people realise that neglecting their child could lead to jail time maybe they might invest a little more intelect into bringing them up.

As I said I'm not a parent but i can bet you i've already gained more knowledge about child psychology than most families in this county.

I remember when I lived at home my parents had a huge range of books on parenting and child psychology, they're into 70's now so you could'nt even say they were modern informed parents. If you want to get into family history as an excuse then explain this: my mums dad was an alchoholic who used to beat her mum up, he died when my mom was 19, her mum died of cancer when she was 25, she came from a very poor working class family, used to have to wear bags over their shoes in winter as they could rarely afford new shoes, she was also 1 of 9 and when her mum died she looked after her youngest brother who was 7 until he left school, so if social standing/poverty affects your moral upbringing how come My bro,sis and me(prob the black sheep of the family) turned out OK?

Am I just getting old and grumpy before my time?

OK rant over, you can all start flaming me now!


Just did'nt want to see too much like a parent basher, there are a hell of alot of loving/caring, inteligent & reasonable parents out there, they are the reason the society is still holding together and has'nt disintegrated completely, respect to those who do try, i do also realise that being a GOOD mum/dad prob is the hardest job in the world (I do think that there are a hell of alot of people who go into it completely clueless though).

Last edited by Si; 21st June 2005 at 12:03 PM.
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  #2  
Old 21st June 2005
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i hear you, kids are just not disciplined anymore. parents are all too busy out at work or going to clubs and parties to take care of their kids. over here in the US the kids are put in day care as soon as they are old enough to crawl; 12 year olds dress like hookers, and pregnant teenagers are dropping out of school. i suppose before we see any positives in this world we will have to deal with society hitting rock bottom.

by the way, i'm 22, not married, and no kids, but i speak from experience.
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Old 21st June 2005
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Im 19 and I cant stand half the people in my generation and the one below. But I have a feeling people are alwayse the same and it just the way society changes that makes them seem differnt...
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Old 21st June 2005
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I am 34 and married with 2 children Laura 11 and oliver 7..I agree with everything you say..No respect nowadays for anything. We have brought our two up to respect elders and always use please and thankyou and they always do. It is amazing the response our children get when they order their own meals and use their manners it seems to make the waiters day. If my son meets anyone for the first time he holds his hand out and shakes theirs says hello i am Oliver pleased to meet you. I have alot of time for my children but i also play hard have a good social life but they come first. It is very difficult being a parent Laura has started wanting to go into town with her friends and it scares the sh1te out of me...So when she does meet them i say to them all howabout i meet you all at 3 and buy you lunch....Costs me a couple of quid but A. i am picking her up so i know she is safe and B. I am a cool dad because i have bought her mates lunch. The poor little lad that nearly got hung what the hell was his parents doing while all of this was going on...I mean 4 years old and left to his own devices, And it is these parents that bleet the loudest when anything happens. My children to me are priceless and i want to look after them and nurture them to be good responsible fun loving witty adults ...I am sure some people just have kids as a money making exercise to get more benefits, I once had a couple in for a loan and i sat in the booth with them and their 4 year old (who was fostered) I got the kid a pen and paper and asked him to draw me his favorite pet which he started to do. He accidently went off of the paper and onto the table with the pen and made a very small removable line. His foster mum grabbed his arm and slapped him across the face with a blow that would have seriously hurt an adult. The kid just took it and went inot an insular type state. I left the booth as i could not beleive what had just happened and went out of the office for 5 minutes. I returned to the booth and challanged the couple who told me he had been a little ******* all day and he deserved more. I advised the woman if she would like the same treatment from me!!!!!! An arguement broke out which ended up with me being hauled over the coals by my boss after they complained. I did report them to the relevant authorities in my own time but i cannot help wondering what has happened to that boy...What is the world coming to?
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Old 21st June 2005
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18 and gratefully no kids :-P

I work in a bar/restaurant/catering service. And kids are crazy, they dont have respect, having just finished my senior year in high school, teh junior class had no respect for us, the teachers or anyone. When I was a Junior/Soph/Freshman we had tons of respect for everybody.

Thats one problem with the world today
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  #6  
Old 21st June 2005
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I put part of the blame on Britney Spears and the hip-hop culture that's taken over the world for some reason . Also, parents need to learn how to take care of they're kids despite record high divorce rates. Unfortunately, I think the world, especially the US, seem to find that the "correct" way to take care of a kid is to not actually punish them (hit them), but to send him/her to their room or take away their video game time. I come from an Asian family, so I know first hand how it was like to be punished by getting hit with a bamboo stick and just that alone scared the crap out of me. Today, you aren't even allowed to touch your damn kids because they can be taken away in an instant and you could land yourself in jail. Of course when I mean "hit them" I mean to give them a slap on the wrist or a decent spanking, not actual child abuse. Also, much of the music kids listen to today seem to condone sex and violence as if it's a reasonable thing. Little kids are now watching MTV or BET with videos of "ho's and *****es" dancing all over the place while another rapper decides to "diss" another rapper and shots get fired because they don't know how to settle things like real men. If people don't think any of the "music" (rap and Britney Spears in not music in my opinion) or TV is an influence, they're just kidding themselves. People are just messed up these days I guess .


BRING BACK REAL PUNISHMENT TO SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF KIDS!!!!
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Old 21st June 2005
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I don't agree. My parents never hit me or my sister because they believed it was wrong to do so. They instead explained everything - why what we did was wrong, how it affected others, and if necessary, what the consequences would be. We have not grown up to be violent, destructive or lacking respect. I do not judge people who do hit their kids occasionally - under British law the term is reasonable chastisement - and it is crazy that parents are being prosecuted for it because they are basically assumed to be guilty of child abuse and then have to prove their innocence. But I don't believe that hitting kids is right, or is the solution either. Neither does my sister, who has two of her own.

However... there's a great story about David Stirling, who founded the SAS (British special forces). When he was in his eighties he was walking home one night from his club in London, when two muggers jumped him. It is reported that by the time an ambulance found them, both muggers had suffered multiple fractures. So while it may be morally debatable, there are times when matching force with force is the right thing to do.
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Old 21st June 2005
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I see your point. Obviously, I wasn't talking about child abuse or hitting them to an extreme. I was merely saying give them a slap on the wrist to show who's boss in the house. Perhaps this is a cultural thing. The majority of my friends were hit by their parents when they were younger and they turned out perfectly fine, and they are a large mix of Asians and non-Asians. I guess everyone just acts differently according to punishment; some kids turn out fine with just a lecture and some turn out fine with a swift kick in the *** .
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Old 21st June 2005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hornet11586
18 and gratefully no kids :-P

I work in a bar/restaurant/catering service. And kids are crazy, they dont have respect, having just finished my senior year in high school, teh junior class had no respect for us, the teachers or anyone. When I was a Junior/Soph/Freshman we had tons of respect for everybody.

Thats one problem with the world today

hehe I just finished my junior year...its that we(the juniors) didnt have respect for you...We was rivals....besides I always thought it was softs. tring to outdo the seniors...I just let the two waring sides have war(metathoricaly) and I among the other juniors just kinda stepped aside...you know claim to be teh winner after each side tried there hardest...


that Is just high school though.
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  #10  
Old 21st June 2005
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Smaking itself is'nt bad or teaching a wrong lesson but if it's done out of frustration/anger it's more about the parent snaping than for any given lesson
I think up to about 4 or 5 i would be put across my dads knee, but usually it would be cos i'd done something stupid!

The worst punishment that I can still safley say today was the silent treatment, when i'd really p****d my dad of I just knew, always felt sooooo bad.

Maybe it's cos kids don't eat mud, insects & poo anymore or something, i dunno

re Catfood.......well has she turned out OK?

Also why when you were a kid did you hate to have baths?

Last edited by Si; 21st June 2005 at 07:15 PM.
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Old 21st June 2005
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my sister ate catfood if that counts?
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  #12  
Old 21st June 2005
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My sister and I are both 20-something, but the youngest two are still in their teens. At least four times an hour I worry about what they're up to, especially when they call gloating about how they've skipped school again Background goes, dad was a firefighter and basically lived at the firehouse until he went out on disability and took up a new full-time as a sauce monster, mum was the stay-at-home type until dad got hurt (I was about 7 and the youngest was only a few weeks old), then she went off into civil service land and we haven't really seen much of her since. parents split when the youngest was 6. neither of them graduated college, and they don't really have a great work ethic. Mum busted *** after the divorce to keep the house and us from starving while still trying to raise decent human beings, and she did pretty well even without a lot of money. She set rules (you will go to school, you will get a job, you will pay for everything on your own once you turn 16, you will always have a home here but don't expect it to be a free ride, wash behind your ears, don't hang the cat up by its tail, etc). And when the rules were violated, she couldn't see fit to punish us, so she'd get frustrated and cry. I don't mean crocodile tears, I mean she'd actually sit on the floor and bawl her eyes out, until we bawled too. It sucked. It sucked real bad. And if dinner got burnt, she'd cry more, and we'd cry more, and those were the only times we went hungry.

Being the eldest and therefore the "experimental child", I was definitely not the model kid. I got kicked out of school (yeah I'm still trying to live that down) and did all sorts of things to make my poor mum's heart break. I'm pretty sure I was such a ****-up for awhile for a good reason though, my sisters saw how horrible our mother felt and they learned right quick to pretty much not do what I did. And then I learned It finally clicked one day that I was being a complete moron, I went off to a different school, pulled a 4.0 average, etc etc. (I was the only girl in my graduating class who wasn't expecting or hadn't already had a child, so those kinds of marks aren't anything special).

But even though we came from a "broken home" with an alcoholic parent, a mostly absent mother, a really crappy financial situation, and two less-than-perfect role models... we turned out better than could be expected. I work full time at a major retirement firm and take classes at a local college when I see fit, the two middle chilluns are heading off to private and state colleges, the youngest at a technical high school learning culinary arts She's very good at what she does.

So-- family, background, being raised by television, etc isn't an excuse. It's a symptom of the complete lack of personal responsibility in this country. If you wave a steak at a wild dog then rip it out of it's mouth, of course you're the victim when your face gets bitten off. These parents who allow their children to dress like hookers and pimps (and then live up to the image) are just asking for what they get later on. It's not the media's fault, it's our own. There's always going to be crap on TV, that doesn't mean we have to watch it, and it most certianly shouldn't be used as an electronic babysitter. If mom didn't feel like paying attention to us anymore, she'd turn on the tv... and until I was about 8 I thought TV only had one channel, PBS. Sesame Street and Mr Rogers day in and day out. But she'd shut it off after an hour or so and make us go outside-- I mean she would wrangle us up and literally shove us out the door. I met a kid a few weeks ago who couldn't tell a dandelion from a daffodil, yet he can name all of Eminem's buddies. The parents think it's charming. I nearly vomited. In spite of our modern culture of whatever the hell happens now, it's possible to still raise a well-rounded and socialized invdividual. You just have to take it upon yourself to do so.

/"up hill both ways" mode off
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  #13  
Old 21st June 2005
john tanner john tanner is offline
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Jezzadee i totally agree with you... Can i ask how old you are???? I feel you are older than me but we seem to share a simular view on most things....If you do not respond i understand!!!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jezzadee
I don't agree. My parents never hit me or my sister because they believed it was wrong to do so. They instead explained everything - why what we did was wrong, how it affected others, and if necessary, what the consequences would be. We have not grown up to be violent, destructive or lacking respect. I do not judge people who do hit their kids occasionally - under British law the term is reasonable chastisement - and it is crazy that parents are being prosecuted for it because they are basically assumed to be guilty of child abuse and then have to prove their innocence. But I don't believe that hitting kids is right, or is the solution either. Neither does my sister, who has two of her own.

However... there's a great story about David Stirling, who founded the SAS (British special forces). When he was in his eighties he was walking home one night from his club in London, when two muggers jumped him. It is reported that by the time an ambulance found them, both muggers had suffered multiple fractures. So while it may be morally debatable, there are times when matching force with force is the right thing to do.
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  #14  
Old 21st June 2005
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The Guru has some good points. Parent's really need to control what a child views on television. Obviously there is no way to completely shield them from the ills of the world because we seem to glamorize the attention whores of TV. The world is becoming so fast paced and stressful that it is very hard to have at least one stay at home parent. It's sad when you hear a child say their role model is Paris Hilton when there are other people who have contributed to the world for a good cause.
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Old 21st June 2005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aero1116
Obviously there is no way to completely shield them from the ills of the world because we seem to glamorize the attention whores of TV.
Time to get back on my soapbox, I'm afraid...

When I had dropped out of school, I took up a job as a nanny. (Biggest mistake ever-- I seriously considered sterilization after that job). These parents were more lax than mine were-- the kids had total access to sattelite tv, and the internet. The computer was in the parents (massive) closet right next to a box of poorly hidden, er, marital aids. Not criticizing what they want to do behind closed doors, but to leave that out there for the kids to find? Not cool. To leave them in front of the idiot boxes all day with unfettered access to a world of smut, filth, and mindless crap? To buy the 7-year-old a subscription to People Magazine when she can't even read, because she "has a negative self-image and wants to see what real women look like"?

Please She got rid of me because she says the kids didn't like that I made them decent meals, ritualistically unplugged the tv and computer during supper, made them do their homework and take baths... sorry, it was just the way I was raised that you don't eat pudding for dinner.

Like I said, I'm younger than most people who think something is really wrong with the way kids are being raised. Not having any myself (and staying that way) I'm really not in a position to criticise...

Parents have total control over what goes on in their home. That's why it exists. That's why if you must have TV, it comes with the v-chip. That's why TV programs and movies and video games and even music gets labelled for content-- voluntarily, by the industry. That's why they have nanny-ware for computers, or lo and behold, don't put your damn kid in front of one unsupervised. Shock gasp, what an amazing concept!

All this didn't exist 30 years ago, but the parents of the people raising these problem children seemed to do just fine without it. Why blame something that isn't at fault when they've created tools for you to decide what's best for your family and you simply ignore it?
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  #16  
Old 22nd June 2005
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You can be my kid's nanny whenever I have them. Maybe in 10 years at least.

Anyways, I think that this all has to due with the culture that surrounds them. I mean, my parents were very lax and they even let me see Terminator 2 when it first came out and I was just a little kid. However, whenever I did anything bad, my mother would hit me with a bamboo stick and my dad would give me a little slap everytime I missed a note while playing the piano. However, I'm in college now and I think I turned out just fine. I've never smoked, done drugs, got into fights, etc. I do drink on occasion... But whenever I'm on the brink of doing something bad, I just think about how much it'd hurt my parents and I stop before anything happens. Honestly, if they did not punish me like they did, I believe the outcome would be very different, so I'm glad that they were hard on me in punishment.

I also think that every kid responds differently to certain punishments and what they are exposed to. When I was a kid, I was allowed to see some nudity and violence, but I'm not a sex addict nor am I a violent person. One of my Russian friends also had a very lax childhood similar to mine and he's perfectly normal too. However, one of my friends who was raised in a very strict household who was not exposed to the world etc and was merely grounded whenever he did something wrong and now he's a dropout and addicted to smoking and pot. So everybody reacts differently to things. Some kids will turn out fine with strict rules and being shielded from everything, and some won't... same goes for kids raised with lax rules and hard punishments.

As for having total control in the home, yes, parents could and have the ability to regulate everything if they'd get off their butts. But what's your solution to things when they're outside of the home?
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Old 22nd June 2005
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I say we just kinda lock kids in a room and make them watch Educational TV for like the first 12 years of thier lives
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  #18  
Old 22nd June 2005
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I would destroy the tv..
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Old 22nd June 2005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GearHead
I would destroy the tv..
I would too, if I were one of those unfortunate kids.
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  #20  
Old 22nd June 2005
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It also depends on the kid, I mean i was brought up in such away that i had unlimited access to TV and the PC and the net, without being supervised, which I thought was great. And I have turned out fine, I looked up plenty of educational stuff and i loved watching documentary's on TV, so it also depends on weather the kid has hald a brain or not.
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