automotive humor

[low_down_dirty_saab]

You Know You've Gone too Far with Your Car When ...

• The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull into their bay.
• You can't drive your car in the rain.
• Your 'significant other' is afraid to drive your car.
• You are afraid to drive your car.
• You spend more on tires than on food.
• You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.
• You see a picture of your car taped to the bulletin board at your local police station.
• You have to go to the track to buy gas.
• Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.
• You're tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to the office.
• You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will let you go if "they can look under the hood."
• You are not allowed to run in the Silver State Challenge.
• You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested in being in the Cannonball Run.
• Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when you drive the car.
• You need parachute braking.
• Your 'Significant other' won't even ride in the car.
• There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood at 6 am.
• Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is opened
• Fuel is delivered to your home in 55 gallon drums.
• You wear earplugs in your car.
• You find out that side mirrors don't hold up at speeds exceeding 145 mph.
• Your exhaust pipes are larger in diameter than your driveline.
• Your fuel pump flows enough to water a golf course.
• Your engine idles at 2800 rpm.
• You measure the fuel you use in "gallons per mile".
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• Interpreting Automobile Want Ads
  
  
  
  Interpreting Automobile Want Ads
  
  
  
  Must sellHurry! Before it blows up,,!Needs TLCI don't have a thousand hours to put into this piece of crap. Do you?,,Loaded!Lots of stuff to break,,Non-smokerThe driver doesn't, but the car does,,All original Including the oil Project car The wife says it's either her or the car. What'll you give me for her? Excellent condition Most people will never see the problems while test driving Very good condition OK, I'll have to admit to the obvious stuff ,,Good condition I'm hoping it'll start when you come for a test drive,,Rare Nobody EVER wanted one of these. Even when it was new Classic See "Project Car" above Cream puff Well, your grandmother would like it Cheap Under "Resale Value" Kelley Blue Book says "not applicable"

[GearHead]

I'm hate to drive my car in the rain....because the cable that works the drivers side wiper fell off and I havent been able to reatach it.Also due to the numerous exhaust leaks it is impossible to sneak out anytime-6:30 AM people wake up as my car rumbles and pops down the street