you might be a redneck if....

[SAAB BOY]

you might be a redneck if you can take the battery out of your saab and use it for ur lawn mower!


now lets see what u guys have


btw i can and do!

[Al's Red Wagon]

You might be a redneck if...

...You're wondering if how to jack up your 9-5 so you can slap some mudders on and go off roading....

[bkrell]

..if your wondering where the best place to mount a CB antenna on your 9-5 is.

[cavedudejeff]

you might be a redneck if...

You think your saab has too few moonshine holders

[SAAB BOY]

i have an answer to both of those


tractor jack in the fender and bricks under the body

and on the hood smack in the middle

every car has one to five more moonshine holder than they say between your legs and every passengers legs

[Cuba]

I always liked these two:

How do you know when you`re staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I`ve got a leak in my sink,"
And the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead."

and...

When Emily Sue passed out, Bubba immediately called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause. Finally Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and y'all pick her up there?"

[GearHead]

If you have ever thought about buying a welder so you could custom fab a C900 with 4wd so you could offroad a saab.

If you have ever entered a saab in a demolition derby


if you have ever photoshoped "a lifted C900 with boggers" and you thought it looked "damned cool".

[Kermit]

You might be a redneck if you empty the bed of your pickup by driving in reverse and slamming on the brakes.

You might be a redneck if you have an engine suspended from a tree by a rope in your garden.

[Saaboheme]

If the nursery you added on to the house for your new baby is an old 9000 up on blocks in the backyard, . . . you might be a redneck.

If your wife doesn't even pull the Marlboro red from between her lips before she tells the highway patrolman he can kiss her @**, . . . you might be a redneck.

If you only walk the kids to school in the morning because you are too drunk to go fishin' . . . you might be a redneck.

If your C900 only has 4th gear left, sometimes, and it has more teeth than you do, . . . you might be a redneck.

If your coolest mod to your NG900 is the Redman bumper sticker you put on the quarter panel to cover a rust spot, . . . you might be a redneck.

If you can strap a poached deer to the hood of a 9-5, in the dark, in under three minutes, . . . you might be a redneck.

If you use your 9-3 five door to haul dynamite to the lake for your fishin' trips, . . . you might be redneck.

If the number "99" only symbolizes for you the beginning of the end of a really long and boring song, . . . you might be a redneck.

If your bass boat is faster than your daily driver, . . . you might be a redneck.

[KevinC]

You keep more than one roll of toilet paper in your Saab

[Al's Red Wagon]

Originally Posted by KevinC

You keep more than one roll of toilet paper in your Saab

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eeewwwww....

[LaserRed9-3Aero]

.... you pronounce SAAB as 'say-ab'. Rhymes with 'ray dad'. As in the guy that questioned me at the local Wal-Mart a few weeks ago...

'Whuts a say-ab? That's a furrin' car, ain't it?'

[explorerfx4]

Originally Posted by Kermit

You might be a redneck if you have an engine suspended from a tree by a rope in your garden.

haha, ive def done that, though it wasnt in the garden

[SaabKen]

Originally Posted by LaserRed9-3Aero

.... you pronounce SAAB as 'say-ab'. Rhymes with 'ray dad'. As in the guy that questioned me at the local Wal-Mart a few weeks ago...

'Whuts a say-ab? That's a furrin' car, ain't it?'

LMAO !

I always get a kick from some of ya (no offense) who say, with the requisite Southern drawl, "TOY-OHHH-TAH"

[TheRedBaron]

I remember someone telling a story where they said they went to a rural junkyard and asked, "Do you have a manual steering rack for a 1976 SAAB 99 EMS?" or something like that, and the guy responded, "What are you, a communist?"

[SAAB BOY]

kermets comment will be strickin from the record for being not saab related!

[SaabKen]

These are your interpretations of common computer terms:

------------------------------------
COUNTRY COMPUTER TERMS

1. Log on
Make the wood stove hotter

2. Log off
Don't add no more wood

3. Monitor
Keep an eye on that wood stove

4. Download
Getting the firewood off the truck

5. Floppy disk
What you get from trying to carry too much firewood

6. RAM
The thing that splits the firewood

7. Hard Drive
Getting home in the winter

8. Prompt
What the mail ain't in the winter

9. Windows
What to shut when it's cold outside

10. Screen
What to shut in black fly season

11. Byte
What the black flies do

12. Bit
What the black flies did

13. Mega-byte
What the horse flies do

14. Chip
Munchies for TV

15. Microchip
What's left in the bag after you eat the chips

16. Modem
What you did to the hay fields

17. Dot Matrix
Old Dan Matrix's wife

18. Laptop
Where the kitty sleeps

19. Software
The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds

20. Hardware
The real stainless steel cutlery

21. Mouse
What eats the grain in the barn

22. Mainframe
What holds the barn up

23. Enter
City talk for - "come on in, eh"

24. Web
What a spider makes

25. Website
The barn or the attic

26. Cursor
Someone who swears

27. Search Engine
What you do when the car dies

28. Screensaver
A repair kit for the torn window screen

29. Homepage
A map you keep in your back pocket just in case you get lost in the field

30. Upgrade
Steep hill

31. Server
The person at the ABC that brings the food

32. Mail Server
The guy at the ABC that brings the food

33. MSDOS
Some new disease they discovered

34. Soundcard
One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it

35. User
The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff

36. Browser
What they call you when your eye brows grow together

37. Network
When you have to repair your fishing net

38. Internet
Complicated fish net repair method

39. Netscape
When a fish maneuvers out of reach

40. Mozilla
Cheese that’s on the pizza

41. Online
When you get the laundry hung out on the washline

42. Offline
When the clothes pins let go and the laundry falls on the ground

[Twitchie]

Have you seen the redneck version of Windows?

[tsksaab]

You might be a redneck if:

1. You have a gun-rack in the trunk of your Saab.
2. Your other car (other than the Saab you won at the local fair) is a 1940-something pickup.
3. You've seen a UFO or you've seen Elvis while driving your Saab
4. Your Saab broke down 6 months ago and it's been sitting on your front lawn along with the rest of your broke appliances..

[SAAB BOY]

thats a good one and true for me!