The worst joke! [Archive] - SaabCentral Forums

: The worst joke!


ellison
8th April 2004, 10:50 AM
Just heard this one...didn't bother to answer...

Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell off. Who's left?

:(

greenphotos
8th April 2004, 10:55 AM
I have no idea what on earth that joke is about... but it is still funny in a - 'what are you doing telling me stories like that' kinda way.

:lol:

Mark
:cheesy:

Mofflet
8th April 2004, 10:57 AM
http://www.btinternet.com/~rhodesign/pics/responses/WTF.jpg

GearHead
8th April 2004, 11:46 AM
hahahhahaha! that is good. :lol:

Slaab4life
8th April 2004, 09:19 PM
who the hell would name there kid Repeat? gosh he must have been made fun of a lot. :roll:

MonkeyMan
8th April 2004, 10:43 PM
No I'm afraid I have a worse joke;

What's worse than a pile of dead babies?






















One live baby at the bottom, eating its way up. :oops:

BEN

Castor Troy
8th April 2004, 11:25 PM
How can you not get that joke?

Person 1)Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell off. Who's left?

Person 2)Repeat.

Person 1)Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell off. Who's left?

Person 2)Repeat.

Person 1)Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete fell off. Who's left?

Person 2)Repeat
etc....

jimmythefly
9th April 2004, 02:29 AM
What did the 0 say to the 8 ?










Hey! Nice belt!

Pstone
9th April 2004, 09:16 AM
> > Recently, a routine police patrol was parked outside a local neighborhood
> > bar in Minnesota.
> >
> > Late in the evening, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so
> > intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking
> > lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly watching. After what seemed
> > an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man
> > managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few
> > minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally,
>he
> > started his car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night),
> > flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then switched
>on
> > the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little
>and
> > then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in
> > their vehicles .
> >
> > At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down
> > the street. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time,now
> > started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the
> > man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test. To his amazement the
> > Breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man consumed alcohol at all!
> > Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to
>the
> > police station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
> >
> > "I doubt it," said the man. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
>

CleveSaab
9th April 2004, 10:52 AM
What did the 0 say to the 8 ?










Hey! Nice belt!

I don't know why but I found that friggin funneh!!


Why did the monkey fall out of the tree??






It was dead!

jimmythefly
9th April 2004, 01:51 PM
Why did the tree fall over?








It was stapled to the monkey. :cheesy:

Really, I could keep this thread alive for weeks.Cleve, I'm glad I'm not the only one, that's my new favorite joke, it cracks me up just re-reading it.

Mofflet
9th April 2004, 03:31 PM
LMFAO!!

David!
9th April 2004, 03:39 PM
Another to keep this alive.

What did the car say to the petol pump?




















You should take your finger out of your ear when I am talking to you!

David!

Marks900SE
9th April 2004, 08:08 PM
What did helen keller do when she fell off a cliff?























screamed her hands off

Tyler
9th April 2004, 09:01 PM
You know what I heard about camping?
















It's intense.

Man, that's a lame one but I laughed out loud when I first heard it.

-T

GearHead
9th April 2004, 09:15 PM
what is a life?
















something that most of us don't have :cry: :cry: :cry:

Marks900SE
9th April 2004, 09:57 PM
why is helen keller a bad driver?























shes a woman

brunp
9th April 2004, 11:56 PM
I find this picture quite amusing in response to the initial post.

http://www.btinternet.com/~rhodesign/pics/responses/WTF.jpg

PaulH
10th April 2004, 12:34 AM
did you hear the one about the cannibal that passed his brother in the jungle?


:lol:

Paul

boxman
10th April 2004, 06:34 AM
the chicken and the egg are in bed together,


the chicken rolled over to light a cigarette


the egg turns around with the hump and said"will we know the answer to that question now dont we"

n8
26th April 2004, 12:54 PM
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced??






















A buckneer. :cheesy:

Naranto
26th April 2004, 01:04 PM
What's the last thing that goes through a flys mind when it hits your windscreen?











His a*rse

drewbowski
27th April 2004, 03:39 AM
why do elephants wear sandals?

so they don't sink in the quicksand.


why do ostrichs bury their heads in the ground?

to look for elephants that forgot to wear their sandals.

spence
27th April 2004, 05:06 AM
whats brown and sticky




wait for it






a stick hehehe





:cheesy: :cheesy: :cheesy:

This is MaDness
27th April 2004, 07:19 AM
In the vein of the monkey/tree jokes...

Q. Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

A. It was dead.

Q. Why did a second koala fall out of the tree?

A. It got hit by the first koala.

Q. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?

A. Peer pressure.

Q. Why did the kangaroo die?

A. It got hit by three koalas.

Oh dear.... :roll:

ellison
27th April 2004, 11:19 AM
OK...these are all pretty bad. Here's another:

What do you call a penguin in the desert?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.LOST!

GearHead
27th April 2004, 11:44 AM
what do you call someone in the ocean with no arms or legs?












BOB

ellison
27th April 2004, 12:21 PM
What do you call a guy lying down outside your front door?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Matt!

CleveSaab
27th April 2004, 12:28 PM
What do you call 1,000 attorneys at the bottom of the ocean?

























A GOOD START!

and
What do you call an honest lawyer gone bad????











MR. SENATOR!

roller girl
27th April 2004, 05:02 PM
An Ion walks into a bar and goes 'I think i left an Electron here last night' and the bartender goes











'Are you positive?'

:lol: :lol: :lol:

roller girl
27th April 2004, 05:39 PM
After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?"

The Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

Jezzadee
27th April 2004, 05:44 PM
A bear walks into a bar and says:
"I'll have a .......................................beer please"

Barman says:
"Sure, but why the big pause?"

The bear says:
"I'm a bear"

ssRyan
28th April 2004, 10:04 AM
A pilot is introduced to a new navigator before a flight. During introductions the pilot pulls out a .33 pistol. The navigator asks what its for. The pilot responds "If you get us lost I'll shoot you." The navigator then pulls out a .44. The pilot asks what that gun is for. The response is "With all due respect sir, I'll be the first to know if we get lost."

sintec
28th April 2004, 11:14 AM
sorry had to add one;

what do you call a man with 10 rabbits up his ***?


















warren!

CleveSaab
28th April 2004, 11:28 AM
Keep em coming guys these are great!!!

I'm a bear! ROFL
If noone else is drinking beer, lmao!


Warren... :-?? :oops: um...

Naranto
28th April 2004, 11:29 AM
What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?

Doug

What do you call the same man with the shovel missing?

Douglas

greenphotos
28th April 2004, 11:31 AM
The old classic - I don't believe that no-one has posted it yet!

Man walks into a bar..




...Ouch! :cheesy:


or:

Man walks into a bar..




...Ouch!... Stupid idiot, you'd have thought he had heard the joke before!

Mark
:lol:

GearHead
28th April 2004, 11:39 AM
two men walk into a bar,the third ducks

Paco
28th April 2004, 11:39 AM
I'm a bear!!! Damn funny...I laughed out loud and now everyone is looking at me.... :oops:

sintec
28th April 2004, 12:04 PM
two fish in a tank,

one say to the other can you drive this thing?

--------------

two parrots on a perch,

one say to the other can you smell fish?

--------------

a white horse walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer.

barman strikes up a conversation with the horse saying
"you know we have a whiskey named after you!"

the horse says
"what eric!?"


<SORRY>

Munki
28th April 2004, 12:27 PM
A man walks into a bar with a huge alligator and says to the barman

"Do you serve students?"

"Yes of course Sir!" says the barman

"Good" the man replies "I'll have a pint of lager and a student for the alligator"

greenphotos
28th April 2004, 01:39 PM
A man walks into a bar with a huge alligator and says to the barman

"Do you serve students?"

"Yes of course Sir!" says the barman

"Good" the man replies "I'll have a pint of lager and a student for the alligator"

:lol: :lol:

dmtinker
28th April 2004, 03:44 PM
Q: Why do you hang around with that Sadist?

A: Beats me...

Munki
28th April 2004, 04:20 PM
^^^^^^^
:lol: :lol: :lol:

KevBu
28th April 2004, 06:15 PM
Two polo's having a drink at the bar,


a Tune walks in,


one polo turns to other and says "watch him, he's menthol!"

dmtinker
28th April 2004, 06:41 PM
Two polo's having a drink at the bar,


a Tune walks in,


one polo turns to other and says "watch him, he's menthol!"

?

sjhudon
28th April 2004, 06:43 PM
I don't get it :-?

zingZACH
28th April 2004, 06:51 PM
What did helen keller do when she fell off a cliff?





















screamed her hands off

Nooo.. she said, "WAAAH WAAAAHHH" (her attempts to say water, water...)

zingZACH
28th April 2004, 07:25 PM
HHEEEWWWWWWENNN KKEEEEEEWWWWWAAAAARRRR ... ok, I am horrible lol

D. Wolfe
29th April 2004, 12:33 AM
How does a Kentucky farmgirl keep from getting pregnant??
"Outruns her brother"

What does a Kentucky farmgirl say during the throes of lovemaking?
"Get off me Daddy, you're smashing my Marlboros"

Why do Kentucky farmgirls love to attend family renunions?
"Great place to pickup men"

escalator guru
30th April 2004, 02:09 AM
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?



















You would, too, if your name was "Marrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

dmtinker
30th April 2004, 11:20 AM
Why did Helen Keller only M**terbate with one hand?









She had to moan with the other.... :oops:

D. Wolfe
30th April 2004, 01:27 PM
What is Helen Keller doing when she has one hand in the air and one hand in front of her?












Singing while accompanying herself on the piano :nono;

escalator guru
30th April 2004, 02:56 PM
Have you ever seen Helen Keller's house?




























Don't feel too bad, neither has she.

fabric
30th April 2004, 03:23 PM
a white horse walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer.

barman strikes up a conversation with the horse saying
"you know we have a whiskey named after you!"

the horse says
"what eric!?"


<SORRY>


You have a pet bee?

Named Eric?

Munki
30th April 2004, 03:37 PM
You have a pet bee?

Named Eric?
Cyril Connelly?!

Willy Wonka
30th April 2004, 06:49 PM
Boss walks into lab where his employee has just really messed up.
Boss says to the employee, "Hey what's all that powder on the back of your pants?"
Employee checks and dusts off his behind.
Boss says "There's more, on your elbow".
Employee checks again.
Boss says "Just wanted to check if you could tell your a rse from your elbow." 8)

D. Wolfe
30th April 2004, 07:30 PM
Warning-Absolutely the Worst Joke :nono;

How does a Kentucky farmwife know when her son has been sleeping with her daughter?


The son's "privates" start tasting "funny"

sethsev7n
30th April 2004, 07:32 PM
how do you circumsize a redneck?

















kick his sister in the jaw.

Samba_GS-R
30th April 2004, 08:10 PM
Beleive it or nto that pete and repeat joke got me laid!
Many years ago I met some chick on a camping trip who was saying that over and over again to me( ,y name is pete by the way..) Finally I said, I don't know but pete is going to screw the chick telling the story...half hour later pete made good on his word! :cheesy:

Saabian
30th April 2004, 09:05 PM
Warren... :-?? :oops: um...

Yeah, same here. That's the only one so far I don't get. Shouldn't it be Warner anyway? (a warner being one that keeps rabbits...also a former ladyfriend's last name) But still, I don't get that at all.

And here's mine:

A guy walks into a bar...









BAM



-Ian

bassist5
30th April 2004, 09:21 PM
Beleive it or nto that pete and repeat joke got me laid!
Many years ago I met some chick on a camping trip who was saying that over and over again to me( ,y name is pete by the way..) Finally I said, I don't know but pete is going to screw the chick telling the story...half hour later pete made good on his word! :cheesy:

Lmao! You are my hero! :lol:

heli-saaber
1st May 2004, 07:23 PM
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like Mother of Pearl and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate and, as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk. When he was close enough he called out "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir" the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend come in, too?" the traveller asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought for a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there. Come on in". "How about my friend here?" the traveller gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveller filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back towards the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them. "What do you call this place?" the traveller asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveller said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind."

Cuba
2nd May 2004, 03:03 AM
Poor old Helen Keller
What do you do to really confuse her?


Sprinkle hundreds and thousands into her books.




What do Hillbillies do for halloween?














Pump kin

Willy Wonka
5th May 2004, 09:24 PM
Just got this emailed to me since it's car related. It's here

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greeting him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of the identity of the golfing pro.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir," says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees," replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the good earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger.
"Feckin Jaysus," says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everything!"

Paco
6th May 2004, 06:58 AM
Warren... :-?? :oops: um...

Yeah, same here. That's the only one so far I don't get.

Rabbits live in Warrens....

From the Cambridge on-line dictionary:

Definition

warren [Show phonetics]
noun [C] (ALSO rabbit warren)

1 a series of connecting underground passages and holes in which rabbits live

Kind of takes the fun out of the joke though.... :wink:

sjhudon
6th May 2004, 12:19 PM
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like Mother of Pearl and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate and, as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk. When he was close enough he called out "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir" the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The man gestured and the gate began to open.

"Can my friend come in, too?" the traveller asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought for a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there. Come on in". "How about my friend here?" the traveller gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveller filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back towards the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them. "What do you call this place?" the traveller asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveller said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"

"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind."


What! Can I have my 30 seconds back please. :wink:

stuart_mc
9th May 2004, 05:52 AM
Two tourists were driving through Wales...

As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name.

They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...very slowly?"

The girl leaned over the counter and said,. . . . . . "Burrrrrrrr, Gerrrrrrrr, Kiiiiiiiing". :lol:

kopfschuh
9th May 2004, 11:19 PM
Q: Why do you hang around with that Sadist?

A: Beats me...

What did the masochist say to the sadist?: Beat me.
What did the sadist say?:














No.

heli-saaber
10th May 2004, 06:27 PM
Rabbits live in Warrens....

Kind of takes the fun out of the joke though.... :wink:

Spot on Paco! I think that the original name would have been Warrener .......... shortened to Warner in time. Not much of a joke any more.

Sjhudon - no!!! Shouldn't have posted that one really 'cos it's a "nice" joke. Got almost all the way through telling the one about God, the engineer and Satan but I accidentally binned it and I couldn't be bothered to type it all in again.

ellison
10th May 2004, 06:34 PM
Question: How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?









Answer: Let's go ride bikes

ellison
13th May 2004, 05:43 PM
Knock....knock.....

Rhino2.3t
13th May 2004, 06:21 PM
who's there? 8)

Rhino2.3t
13th May 2004, 06:27 PM
The children at school are having a class talk about their fathers' occupation; there's been a fireman, policeman, doctor and dustman - no cause for alarm.
Lisa sits nervously in her chair, eventually it's her turn.
'What does your daddy do, Lisa?' the teacher asks.
'He works in a gay bar, taking off his clothes so as rich businessmen can look at him' Lisa replies.
The teacher sees something wrong here, and instructs the class with some crayon drawing.. and calls Lisa aside.
'Is this true Lisa?' the teacher asks.
'Well no miss,' she replies, 'he plays football for Chelsea, but i didn't want the others to embarrass me'.....

hooLA :D (might as well be friday)

ellison
13th May 2004, 06:31 PM
who's there? 8)

Sorry...wrong door.

:lol: :lol:

sab aero
13th May 2004, 06:40 PM
my minor contribution…

Sarah jessica parker walks into a bar…
the barman says, "why the long face?"

LOL!

damn she is ugly! :)

anyways -as you were...

sab

Rhino2.3t
13th May 2004, 06:43 PM
hahah and SJP's boyfriend orders drinks at the bar, in a drink and tobacco croaking voice..
'you got a sore throat mister?'
'nah i'm just feeling a little hoarse'


/at ease

Munki
13th May 2004, 07:01 PM
he plays football for Chelsea, but i didn't want the others to embarrass me'.....
That is not in the slightest amusing! :nono;

sjhudon
13th May 2004, 07:12 PM
he plays football for Chelsea, but i didn't want the others to embarrass me'.....
That is not in the slightest amusing! :nono;

Don't worry he isn't talking about real football! :cheesy:

Mark P
13th May 2004, 07:13 PM
That is not in the slightest amusing! :nono;

Funnily enough it made me laugh :cheesy:

garry
13th May 2004, 07:19 PM
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink, He has a newt on his shoulder.



"whats that" said the barman

"thats my pet 'Tiny' " said the man

"why do you call him Tiny" said the barman



"because he's My Newt" said the man

sab aero
13th May 2004, 08:11 PM
an oldie but a goodie...

Supermodel CLaudia Schiffer announced she was married to Brains from The Thunderbirds (what a great show!) and will now be known as:

Claudia Schiffer-Brains

hehe!

:)

sab

Russell
14th May 2004, 07:38 AM
my dogs' got no nose.

How does ne smell?

awful..

foloowed by.. what do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a sheep. A wooly jumper...

Rhino2.3t
14th May 2004, 08:25 AM
Stopping off on the way home from work one friday night, a man pops into the pub for a swift half.. meeting a couple of old friends, one pint soon expands into three then four. While speaking of his wife's lack of enthusiasm for a drunken husband, one of his friends offers him a sound piece of advice..
'If you ever get so drunk that you're sick down your clothes, always tuck a £5 note into your shirt pocket. Blame it on some old drunk, and say they gave you the money for dry cleaning. simple.'
The night eventually draws to a close, and the man is in a right state. As staggers home, the inevitable happens; then he smiles to himself as he tucks the note into his shirt pocket.
On walking through his front door, his wife unleashes a torrent of abuse. Thinking as fast as he can in his drunken stupor, the man remembers his get out clause.
'There was an old drunk in the pub, got in such a mess that he was sick down my suit - gave me £5 for dry cleaning'
His wife then says 'Well tell me this, if this generous drunk gave you a £5 note, then why have you got a £20 note in your shirt pocket?'
'Ahh' says the man, 'He sht my pants as well'

ellison
16th May 2004, 02:58 AM
Sorry...but I keep hearing them. This one was good for a laugh when someone with great character is telling it.......

OK.....


Why are Pirates mean?

























Because they just AAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!